NOTE: skip down a few paragraphs for the food so you can skip my reflection that I just had to get out.
I have had such a weird feeling the last few days. The worst part of my life is finally over (knock on wood!) and now I get to live in this beautiful state of ignorance for the next few weeks before my score comes back. At the same time, I am scared out of my mind for tomorrow, the first day of third year. I have no idea what to expect and even less of an idea of what to do. Somehow I also have this sense of calm, like I know I’ll be okay. I think it’s because I’m so sick of sitting in a desk being bored and having my mind wander while studying that the thought of doing something active, even if I don’t know what I’m doing and make a fool out of myself, still sounds a million times better. SCARED/STUPID >>>>> BORED/ANNOYED.
Thinking about the last 2 years of medical school, I’m amazed at how much I’ve actually learned/changed. Even though it felt like the whole time I was at a basal level of blahness, I’ve actually had a pretty significant experience. Coming in, I thought it would be impossible to finish our less than 100 page biochem syllabus in 2 weeks and now I know I could probably learn that material in a couple of days and be able to retain it for at LEAST 3 hours. I wouldn’t even have been able to pronounce most of the words in FirstAID and now when I type of my notes almost every single word is misspelled in Microsoft word because I’ve pretty much learned a new language. There have been so many times in the last 2 years where I have thought, “are they fucking kidding? How the hell am I supposed to be able to learn/do all this in such a short period of time,” yet somehow I managed to get through it.
I also feel like I’ve grown a lot as a person. I think in college I always doubted myself and felt constant pressure to be “effortlessly perfect” as they say. Now, I feel much more confidant and have way more self esteem. I think somewhere in the stress of first year I just realized that being that stressed out is not worth it and that it’s okay to not be perfect. Somewhere in these 2 years I really feel like I’ve grown up, felt comfortable with believing that my best is enough, and I don’t feel the need to validate myself to other people. I think it just finally hit me that I need to slow down and understand that I’m not just getting through school to get to the next step; this is still my life and I should enjoy it while I’m doing it instead of constantly thinking about the endpoint.
Now when I look ahead to the next year I’m so excited to watch myself grow even more. It’s crazy to think that one year from now how many skills I’ll acquire and how much more legit I’ll feel. I usually hate change and have a hard time adjusting to new things, but now I’ll have to adapt to so many uncomfortable situations and I’m going to have to deal with all my weaknesses. That’s scary as hell, but at the same time I can’t wait! I have to be on gyn night float tomorrow and I am terrified but at the same time, there’s no better time than now to really start something so it’s going to be amaz!
OK DONE REFLECTING.
So for my recipe:
I usually hate cupcakes because they’re really hard to eat and I hate using utensils for something that should be able to be eaten by hand. But, I was really in the mood to make them because I had watched Bridesmaids the day before and there’s this scene where Kristin Wiig’s character makes a cupcake and I had this URGE to make one too. I wish I knew how to make decorations out of hardened sugar like she did in the movie, but I don’t so it looks a lot shittier, but probably tasted just as good!
I wanted to try a complicated recipe to see if I could do it so I went for this white chocolate lemon cupcake recipe I found on foodgawker. It’s actually not that complicated, but anything that involves the word “double boiler” or “egg white peaks” is really complicated in my book. Here is the recipe with pics!!!! The lemon and blueberries pair really well with white chocolate. It was just the right amount of tartness, richness, and sweetness. And these were small enough to where you didn’t need a fork to eat it! I was really afraid that they wouldn’t turn out good, but they were DELICIOUS and perfect for the summer time! Sadly, the summer is over for me, but I’m still gonna make these again when I get the chance!!!! OH YEAH, HAPPY BIRTHDAY A!!!!!!!! I am so proud to be an American…I think I’m going to cry for 1776 seconds today to commemorate it.
Makes 12 frosted cupcakes
For the cakes:
0.875 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
6 tablespoons (3/4 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temperature
1/2 cup sugar
Zest of 1 large lemon
1/2 tablespoon pure vanilla extract
4 ounces high-quality white chocolate, chopped bar or chips
1/4 cup half and half
4 ounces blueberries
2.5 large egg whites
For the frosting:
1 sticks butter
3 ounces cream cheese
3/4 cups confectioners’ sugar
1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1/8 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice
2 ounces white chocolate, melted and cooled
Yellow food coloring
Position an oven rack to the center of the oven and preheat it to 350 degrees. Line two 6-cup muffin tins with paper liners
Whisk together the flour, baking powder and salt. Set aside.
In the bowl of an electric mixer, cream together the butter, sugar, lemon zest and vanilla until very light and fluffy, about 3 minutes.
Melt the white chocolate in a double boiler (I didn’t have a double boiler so I used a pot full of boiling water and put the chocolate into a ceramic bowl that sat on top of the pot). When it’s just warm to the touch, stir it into the butter mixture on low speed, just until combined–it may separate a bit, but it will come back together. With the mixer on low, alternate adding the flour mixture and the half and half in three batches until well-blended.
Toss the blueberries with about a teaspoon of all-purpose flour in a small bowl, just to coat the berries with a light dusting of flour. Set aside.
With a handheld mixer and a medium bowl or in a clean stand mixer bowl with the whip attachment, whip the egg whites on medium high speed until they reach firm peaks, 2-3 minutes. Stir about a third of the whites into the batter to lighten it, then fold in the remainder of the whites. When the egg whites are almost incorporated, fold in the blueberries.
Fill the muffin cups no more than 3/4 of the way full with the batter. Bake one tin at a time until a toothpick just comes out clean, about 25 minutes. Invert the cupcakes onto a cooling rack, then turn them right side up and let them cool completely.
For the frosting, in the bowl of an electric mixer beat together the butter and cream cheese just until smooth. Beat in the confectioners’ sugar, vanilla and lemon juice. Finally, beat in the melted white chocolate, just to combine. Beat in a few drops of food coloring for a creamy yellow hue, if you wish. When the cupcakes have cooled completely, frost them generously and sprinkle with coconut flakes.